My First Blog

After reading the king of internet critiques and owner of the self-titled "best page in the universe" Maddox's article on blogging, I never thought I would end up doing this... But I have sort of been having a mid-life crisis at the ripe old age of 21(hopefully, as Ashman noted, I will live to more than 42(the answer to life, the universe, and everything???)), and I thought this would be a good way to get out the things that I am just to shy or too immature to talk about out loud with the world. I'll try and add something new every once in a while so that I can keep track of my thoughts, and hey, maybe someone will be interested in hearing what I have to say. Who knows, hopefully you'll learn something about me that you don't know, and that you'll learn to appreciate that there is more to Paul Sullivan than the beer-guzzling, controversial, selfish, and somewhat poor excuse for a human being, who has yet to make his life worthwhile, that you see every day. I'm not quite sure how to start this, but I guess I'll leave you with a few of the questions that I find myself asking and not being able to fully comprehend.

-Why IS the universe? Not what, but why? Some say it was an act of God, other say it was just a point in space-time that exploded into being a long time ago. As far as our limited minds have taught us, we know a fair amount about what happened after the inception of the universe, but why did it ever come into existance in the first place? Why does there have to be anything? Which leads me to my next question.

-Why could there just be nothing? Imagine, nothing at all. No people, no earth, no sun, no milky way, no universe at all. Just blackness, forever and ever. I don't know the answer, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like there HAS to be something. This whole concept just boggles my mind.

-What will it take for me to turn my life around? I've started to understand this more and more as I find myself less and less happy with the choices I've made the past few years. Lots of regrets, and not too many things I can say I'm proud of. This is sort of what I meant when I mentioned previously that I was having a crisis. I'm not one of those people who doesn't know who they are, I know who I am and that's what scares me. A couple nights ago I laid awake in bed for an hour, my head buried in my hands, thinking about all the mistakes I've made, the places I went wrong, and thought about what I should have done. Should have but didn't. Got caught up in whatever it is was and just went with it. There's nothing I can do now about it though, all I can do is hopefully learn from the past so that I can make my future a little bit brighter. Gonna go off on a tangent from my list of questions to point out my biggest flaws, and also some of my better traits.

The Bad- I am selfish: I spend too much time on myself, rather than on my friends and family. I still haven't gotten down this little thing called "do a good turn daily". I recently saw a friend, not a close friend, but someone whom I would consider a friend, in distress. I did nothing to comfort this person. I sat back and watched while eventually others came to this person's aid. Needless to say, a few kind words probably would have been a huge lift to this person, and probably would have made us much closer friends, but I wasted the opportunity.
I am greedy: I want, and I want, and I want. When will I be able to distinguish between what I want and what I need. Hopefully I will learn the answer soon.
I am often close-minded: I don't often let other peoples' thoughts or ideas sway me, and it's usually for a good reason. Probably more often than not, I make lots of good choices, but when I make a bad choice, they are really bad, and I dwell on thoughts of what will become of me because of it. When someone offers me a piece of knowledge that I could actually learn from, I need to learn to take it with me integrate into my complicated thought processes so that I may become a more open, wholesome, genuine person.
The Good- I don't know what to say here at the moment, but at least I can say that deep down I know I can do the right thing from time to time.

-What's the point of it all? Some think it's to get rich or die trying, others would say it's to spend your life in selfless devotion to others, while fence-riders might suggest that trying to lead a good life, even if you screw up, is all that matters. Who am I to judge any of them? I don't know what is going to make me content, and I guess that is why I have all these questions.

Well, its been 54 minutes, which means that Megavideo will release its strangehold on my IP address so that I can finish my episode of Lost! Sweet. I'll update this thing when I think of something worthwhile, feel free to reply.